A Feisty New Angel

Last Thursday, April 24th, Heaven gained another angel. Our family lost my 96 year old great grandmother, Marie, to cancer. I'm very thankful to have the memories I do of her. She was extremely lively and feisty even at 96 years old (but don't tell her I told you she was that old she would seriously smack me). As a kid I would always call her grandma mamamama marie, I think she got a kick out of that. I have lots of memories of her in her 80's after she had a stroke claiming she could still dance and that she'd never been sick a day in her life. She used to open up the door to the balcony of her appartment and puts peanuts on the floor and watch the squirrels come in. My grandma would yell at her but she'd just laugh and do it anyway. She led a tough life but didn't let that phase her too much. She was always a loving and caring figure in my life and things won't be the same without her. I'll miss her freaking out about the news and going on and on about her family and her past. I just can't believe she's not here anymore. I love you so much Great Granny, I know you're in a better place now but I still miss you.

2 years

November 9th marked two years with my amazing boyfriend and best friend. Sometimes I'd like to high five him in the face with a brick but I love him like crazy and don't know where i'd be without him.

Happy Halloween

It's a few days early but I just had to share. This is Simon, my red ear slider, and he is definitely ready for Halloween :)

Generalizations and stereotypes are often wrong

A few weeks ago I came across an article about a young couple. It was written from the girls point of view about being overweight and dating a fit guy. This first article kind of hit home for me because i'm in the same situation. It's no secret that I don't weight what I should for my height but for the most part I'm okay with who I am. The girl talked about how her weight doesn't effect their relationship and how her boyfriend loves her for who she is. That's how my relationship is. I know i'm not the best looking but my boyfriend, Ethan, loves me for who I am not for how I look.
 Today a second article was posted from the boyfriends point of view entitled, My girlfriend weighs more than me, so what? This is how our mindsets should be, however this article bothered me. We shouldn't have to have articles like this. This couple should not be getting famous because the girl weighs more than the guy. It shouldn't matter.
A) People should not be making nasty comments about her weight. If she's okay with who she is then it shouldnt matter.
B) Looks should not effect how you feel about somebody. You should like them for their company and their personality.
C) If they're in love, it's their business and nobody elses.

The articles both talk about how it's uncommon to see men with bigger girls which irritates me because it's actually very common. Love isn't about looks and I wish more people could see that.

Love him

This post may be a little cliche but it's something I really wanna do right now. I haven't posted in a while because of school and some other things and i've really been going through a lot. And through all that I don't know where I'd be without Ethan. I try to tell him on a daily basis that I love him and that i'm grateful for him but sometimes that gets over shadowed. I've been trying to be more aware of how I treat others and try to keep my emotions in check but sometimes I can't help it and through all that Ethan is always by my side, even when I am a little bit crazy. I don't always deserve him but I love him like crazy

Who I Love

This post may be a day late, but hey i'll call the whole weekend for Valentines Day so lets just pretend its on time. I've got a lot of people in my life that I care about, but there's a few that I truly love and am thankful for every single day, even if we fight.

My amazing parents

 

My boyfriend Ethan

My awesome cousins

My little brother

and my little sister

My birth mothers husband Charlie

And my birth mother Angie

 

 HAPPY VALENTINES DAY <3 br="">

Conflicted

It's certainly been a long time since I posted something. I'm more into the facebook scene at the moment. Frankly, it's faster and a lot easier with the lack of time I have between college and everything else i'm juggling right now. Something i've never really flaunted on my blog is the fact that I am adopted. It's not a really that big a deal to me, it never really has been. It has always been a part of my life, something that defines me, but I never really think about it. At least, I hadn't. My parents always told me I was adopted and they always made sure to tell me how much my birth mother loved me and that she would find me one day. Well a few months ago I found her. It was exciting and the journey we're all on right now with creating a relationship and getting to know each other has been mostly good, but it has also been somewhat stressful recently. It has NEVER been my goal to replace my parents with my birth mother. As she stated before, she gave me life but they gave me the opportunity to live that life. Obviously i've been really excited about everything to do with this. I now have a brother and a sister, and so far I have a really good relationship with my birth mother, but that doesn't mean she replaces my parents. I have a good relationship with them too and I love them. They raised me, they will ALWAYS be my parents. I'm having a hard time lately because I want everybody to be happy and that's been really difficult. I understand my parents views and them feeling scared and left out. I don't try to make them feel that way. I love them and I miss them so much right now with college and all, but I guess it's easy to get caught up and take them for granted. Yes i've been excited about my birth mother and the prospect of another visit but up until yesterday I didn't realize how all my excitement effects everyone else.I was telling my boyfriend Ethan, about more of my plans to visit and he responded with the statement "You know you're replacing your current parents right?" I have to admit that hit hard. I was literally speechless. I've never planned on replacing them and i don't ever want to. He then proceeded to tell me how I always talk about my birth mother or my siblings and how I apparently do it to my parents too. I'm struggling with this so bad right now. Yes I love my birth mother and my siblings, yes we're close, but that doesn't mean I love my parents any less or want to replace them. I don't cry for my birth mother, when I get homesick I sit in my dorm and  cry because I want my mommy and daddy, the people who raised me. I hope that they see that and realize i'm not replacing them... there's no possible way for me to explain it other than that i'm not replacing them and sometimes the words aren't enough. I love both of my families and I just wish everyone could be happy at once. I wish that for once I could do things right and things could just be ok. I wish I wasn't so conflicted and I wish I could fix everything in one instant.